im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
