I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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