i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
