how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize