is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
and you fell through a lawn chair
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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