One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
