There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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