I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
