No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
