There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
