I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
