So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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