It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
