haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
