this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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