And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
