Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
