We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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