I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
