The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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