I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
