he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
