Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
