Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
