Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
