Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
