I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
