if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Your penis caused this!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
