i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i now understand why vodka
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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