Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
