Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
