It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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