obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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