i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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