Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
