FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
