You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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