I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
