my vag is so smooth its legendary
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
do nipples grow back?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
