you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
