it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
