i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
