what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
