well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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