She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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