Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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