Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
