sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
