Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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