who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
