Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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