you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
