No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
