I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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