Ambien. No doubt about it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
