i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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