You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
