is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
