hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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