I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
