Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize