3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
