If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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