forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
