hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think my mom watched the whole time
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
