**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
