dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
