the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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