We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
