so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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