Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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