I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize