Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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