No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
