the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
