I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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