So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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