He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I got inside last night via doggy door
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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