you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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