Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
