I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
