Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize